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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I know the jokes about bugs getting stuck in your teeth, etc. but never thought about other nasty things motorcyclists deal with.

So while riding in to work today, I hit a fresh raccoon carcass. It is dark on my ride in and by the time I saw it, I did not have time to swerve out of the way. Needless to say, that is a butt puckering feeling, and I was surprised I didn't lose control as my front tire felt like it came off the ground. Luckily after the bike settled down I was fine.

When I got to work, I was telling a buddy about it, and got to thinking about "what would you do if you ran over an animal and it splattered all over your legs?"

Well when using the bathroom a little while ago, I looked down and saw blood on the tip of my shoe, and it took a second to click what it was from, then started looking a little harder, and there were streaks of blood all over my shoe. Yuck. By the way, my shoes are black and dried blood didn't stand out too much. Somehow my pants remained clean.

I cleaned my shoe as soon as I got back to my desk, but it is still pretty gross.

Anyway, thought I would share, hope nobody was eating when reading this.
 

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One time, I rode over a huge Colorado River toad, and I had to turn around and go look at it. As I got close, he appeared intact - except for one thing: All of his innards were sitting in front of his mouth, as if he had literally puked his guts out! 馃ぎ
 

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I had a friend hit a deer and gutted it with his back brake lever, he had guts and shit all over him. He was lucky and never crashed but he did vomit
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
I had a friend hit a deer and gutted it with his back brake lever, he had guts and shit all over him. He was lucky and never crashed but he did vomit
My grandpa is known for having an iron stomach, he is notorious for scraping mold off of food and eating it anyway, and grew up old school farming, so very little ever bothers him. A while back he was telling me about how he just got a fish sandwich and was driving home eating it, when the car next to him hit a deer carcass and splashed entrails all across his windshield. Needless to say, he couldn't finish the fish sandwich. :sick:
 

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While riding 2 up with my girlfriend she screamed with pain,said something hit her lower leg. Turned around and back tracked found a dead rabbit with its guts over the road. Apparently her footpeg ripped open the poor soul. No damage to her and continued on. Stopped for gas awhile later and after examining her leg in the restroom discovered blood and guts up her leg under her riding pants. I still today accuse her of animal abuse.
 

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Hit a big fat raccoon late one night. Both wheels off the ground. Damned thing waddled away. Scared the living hell out of me!

Another time, a Robin dive-bombed my left bicep and exploded. Guts up the rest of my sleeve, shoulder and under/inside my helmet. Brand new jacket, first ride!
 

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My closest encounter was a freaking vulture. They're huge, so saw it far back. Slowed down while honking the horn, until it started flying away, so I accelerated again. Big mistake. Those damn things are sloooow to take off. And then he turn around, and it was still at my helmet level. And did I say they're HUGE? Man, that thing looked like a Velociraptor. Ha ha. Had to duck, and barely hit it with my helmet, but it still pushed down my helmet to hit the tank. And yes, I was going a little faster than I should at that time, in the middle of nowhere, all by myself. Ever since that incident, I slow way down until I'm well past the suckers. Ha ha.
 

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My closest encounter was a freaking vulture. They're huge, so saw it far back. Slowed down while honking the horn, until it started flying away, so I accelerated again. Big mistake. Those damn things are sloooow to take off. And then he turn around, and it was still at my helmet level. And did I say they're HUGE? Man, that thing looked like a Velociraptor. Ha ha. Had to duck, and barely hit it with my helmet, but it still pushed down my helmet to hit the tank. And yes, I was going a little faster than I should at that time, in the middle of nowhere, all by myself. Ever since that incident, I slow way down until I'm well past the suckers. Ha ha.
I've had numerous near-misses of this kind, with black kites feasting by the roadside on rotting, stinking, maggot-infested road kill. They fly away at the last moment, and rarely in one direction, making it impossible to predict where they might be. The only only suitable action is to slow right down to near zero, and be prepared to duck.

On the wider question of deer strikes - or here more likely kangaroo strikes - these are a real problem in the outback, where I have done a lot of long-distance riding. The larger red kangaroos are two metres tall, weighing-in at up to 90kg, and are solid meat, so a motorcycle and rider hitting one at speed is likely to come off second best.
I know of two guys killed by colliding with a 'roo, one being a passenger in a car, where the 'roo came through the windscreen and turned him (and itself) to mush.

The anti-'roo SHOO ROO device has some support for its use, while some others claim it's snake oil. There seems to be little or no scientific evaluation. The device produces a supersonic 'whistle' inaudible to humans, and I have fitted them to a number of larger BMW Boxer twins while regularly riding in the outback here, and never had an issue with 'roos - which proves nothing. However, at <$10 each it's not a big investment in peace of mind if nothing else.

One thing I did notice while riding along with a SHOO ROO fitted was that flocks of sheep, if in a field near the road, would look up as I approached and become very alert - it may have been the noise of the approaching bike, but I doubt it, as BMWs are sewing-machine quiet, especially with me on board.

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Many years ago I was blasting down a country road on my Yamaha XS1100. Probably doing about 80-90 mph and a covey of quail ran into the road in front of me and then took flight trying to avoid me. I hit one dead center of the face shield on my full face helmet. Pushed my head back like a heavy weight punch to the head. I was completely blind until I could open the shield as it was covered in blood, guts and feathers. It all happened so fast there was no time to react. What a mess!
 

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Unrelated but related... I was arriving at the hotel at the base of the Tail of the Dragon on an SUV at around 2am. Bikes on a trailer. If you've been there at night, you will know, there are no street lights going up the mountain.

Either a skunk or racoon decided it was a good time to cross the road. My friend was driving and he freaked out... thump... thump thump thump... R.I.P.
 

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Many years ago I was blasting down a country road on my Yamaha XS1100. Probably doing about 80-90 mph and a covey of quail ran into the road in front of me and then took flight trying to avoid me. I hit one dead center of the face shield on my full face helmet. Pushed my head back like a heavy weight punch to the head. I was completely blind until I could open the shield as it was covered in blood, guts and feathers. It all happened so fast there was no time to react. What a mess!
If you didn't obliterate him, he would have made for good eatin'.
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
Many years ago I was blasting down a country road on my Yamaha XS1100. Probably doing about 80-90 mph and a covey of quail ran into the road in front of me and then took flight trying to avoid me. I hit one dead center of the face shield on my full face helmet. Pushed my head back like a heavy weight punch to the head. I was completely blind until I could open the shield as it was covered in blood, guts and feathers. It all happened so fast there was no time to react. What a mess!
I have a cousin that was hit in the throat by a bird. I think he sold his bike shortly after that.
 

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I had a squirrel commit suicide.
 

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HERE'S THE TALE OF MY NEAR MISS...

A nasty near-miss... from July 2019.

Some weeks ago I was returning home from an inland ride on my late Lava Red Gen1 MT-09 Tracer, travelling (for our Aussie readers) from Emerald towards Rockhampton along the major Capricorn Hwy. It鈥檚 a fairly typical outback road, mostly quite narrow but in pretty good repair considering the numbers of heavy vehicles using it to service the massive and important central-Queensland coal-mining industry.

It was quite early on this Sunday morning, with not much traffic in either direction, and I was riding at or around the posted speed limit of 110kph. I was also in that mental zone we鈥檝e all experienced of being half concentrating on the ride, half elsewhere.

I was vaguely aware of gradually catching-up to a very large semi-trailer truck some way in front of me, followed by a yellow small SUV, and was calculating when and where to overtake. Quite suddenly, the truck, quickly followed by the SUV, pulled over onto the verge, and stopped. I thought nothing of it, assuming, I guess, that the two vehicles were in convoy or otherwise travelling together or connected in some way.

Rounding a gentle bend, I found myself confronted by a very rapidly approaching red and white SUV, on his side of the road, with lights flashing and horn blaring, looking very much in a hurry and very 鈥榦fficial鈥. 鈥楳ust have been an accident behind me and he鈥檚 rushing to get there鈥 I thought.

Rounding a further bend at near warp-speed, enjoying the absence of traffic and the curvy road, I suddenly perceived another red SUV speeding towards me, lights flashing and horn blaring But wait! 鈥 this time it was on my side of the road, and I very quickly awoke from my reverie and saw to my extreme surprise that this SUV was actually behind a huge heavy low-loader trailer, which like me was also going at a great rate of knots. And which unlike me was loaded with a gargantuan piece of caterpillar-tracked mining machinery of the bulldozer earth-mover persuasion, side-on and hanging over the edges of the trailer, taking up the entire width of the quite narrow highway. He also had his horn 鈥 more likely horns 鈥 blaring.

In a frightening nano-second I saw that the caterpillar tracks of the machine were on a collision course with my head, and unthinking and entirely intuitive reaction took over. I performed an immediate and pronounced counter-steer to the left that my instructor from years ago would have been proud of, simultaneously leaning my upper body over to the extreme left, while also ducking my head under my left armpit in a final desperate act of self-preserving instinct.

Now, I don鈥檛 know and cannot truthfully say if the caterpillar tracks missed my head by six inches or six feet 鈥 it felt like the former, and if you twist my arm I鈥檒l be prepared to suggest that I felt the wings of death brush my helmet (but probably didn鈥檛!). What I do know is that it was a mighty close shave 鈥 or more likely instantaneous decapitation 鈥 at a closing speed of probably well over 200kph!

Reflecting on it all as I rode along, I surmised that the first lights-and-sirens SUV that I encountered was obviously an escort vehicle intended to warn vehicles of the oncoming wide load, but I saw no warning signs or other indication on it of its function, and it鈥檚 not the sort of thing I see so frequently as to be aware of its purpose. I also surmised that the truck and yellow SUV I鈥檇 been following must have had some radio contact with the oncoming convoy, which alerted them to pull off the road. They might have told me!

I also recalled that several years ago I had another close shave when an out-of-control car went on a collision course with me, but again missed, and I was able to stop on the grassy verge and half-fall, half-climb off the bike, nearly collapsing with shock and fright, knees turning to jelly and so on. Strangely, with this close encounter of the caterpillar kind I simply continued riding, feeling no reaction whatsoever all except a momentary loud exclamation of 鈥渟鈥攖!鈥 a few hundred metres down the road.

And I also remembered much later that a motorcycle policeman had been decapitated while escorting a similar over-size load some years ago, also in central Queensland. Dangerous roads, these!

I debated with myself whether I should tell Mrs Wordsmith about the incident, but knowing that she is a sensible woman 鈥 despite gently worrying about me on the road 鈥 decided that I would. I tried to soften the blow by telling her that my funeral costs would have been lower than usual, as she鈥檇 only have to buy a short coffin to take my headless body, but she was not amused!

Ride on!

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When I was doing traffic we had a few fatals from drivers hitting wide loads. How they could not see a house on a low loader lit up like a Xmas tree (it was night time) and preceded by patrol cars and the movers warning vehicles beat the hell out of me.
 

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Awl jew respeck an' all that Lou - but 'a few fatals' sounds like a few too many, and the escorts and warning vehicles couldn't have been doing a good enough job I'd suggest. Lit up like a Christmas tree at night, or in broad daylight (as with my near-miss) if the other road users are unfamiliar with such loads being on the road at high speed, tragedy is bound to strike - as witness the motorcyclist traffic cop who was decapitated not a million miles from where I was...

After my own incident I couldn't help wondering what may have happened if, instead of a solitary motorcycle, the oncoming vehicle had been a mini-van packed with unwary tourists from (say) some Asian country, unfamiliar with Aussie roads and sights and sounds - carnage would have ensued.
 

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Well, one thing I learnt from a few fatals, actually more than a few, was that Darwin's hypothesis was right. You cannot account for all the stupidity in the world. Even though the safety fetishists are trying as hard as they can, and suffocating us, nature still manages to cull part of the herd. Take car surfing for one glaring example, or electric scooters.
Just as an aside about "safety", we had the Paeroa street race here every year since 1991 until it was canned in 2018. The "safety" requirements became so onerous, and races were often stopped for long periods after crashes so the Police could investigate (?), that it became far too expensive to hold it. The miracle is that the Wanganui street race is still going, but who knows for how long.
So I'm a bit long in the tooth to worry about people set on killing themselves.
And that's what the cagers think of we bike riders too.
 
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